Explanation of My Absence (If it’s a good excuse, it’s valid. :)

11 Jul

SunflowerWell hello world out there. It’s been almost a year since my last post!!! And if I tell you that I have a baby boy that is 10 and 1/2 months old, this may not surprise you at all. Along with that, a month after I gave birth to our sweet little Milo, I had an out-of-the-blue seizure. With this seizure came some crazy period in my life that essentially consisted of me living in ‘a cave’ – this cave being our house with blinds shut, curtains drawn, lights off and limited use of tablet, phone, and computer – except for looking up medical stuff to make my anxious state rise to whole new levels – blasted Internet searches! If I ever left the house, I was sure to be wearing my sunglasses, in and out of doors. I couldn’t drive. I suffered from dizziness, vertigo, double vision, and blurry vision. I had daily headaches – some excruciating. I would get horrible facial pain. Tingling in my hand. Sensitive scalp – so sensitive that even a feather pillow would hurt it. Fatigue. Anxiety. Crazy ‘zinging’ sensations in my head and face. Neck pain. Light sensitive. Sound sensitive. And more. I was essentially in a constant migraine state for four months. It was a long four months. It was scary. It was hard. But I’m looking back on it now…as is the way with these things. I like that knowledge. I often remind myself of this when facing something difficult – it really helps.

This brings us to Today. I have made huuuge progress! I still have some things to figure out – double vision, blurry left eye, headaches (though greatly reduced), neck issues, occasional vertigo (I’m pretty sure it mostly happens when I turn my head and something isn’t quite right…or something), light sensitivity (though one of my medicines contributes to this), and a few other things. As far as the medicines go, I’m on two; and I don’t like them. They make me feel blah. My brain feels fuzzy and dumb. They zap my enthusiasm and motivation. It’s hard to get up in the morning because I always feel really tired, and not well rested. I don’t feel like me. And that is just not OK. My main questions two questions at this point are, “When can I get off the medication?”, and, “What is wrong with my vision?”

The vision part is an oddity, because it is a symptom to something else going on. I’ve had two eye evaluations, and there’s nothing that can be seen from an eye exam, so it’s in my brain somewhere. I’ve had two CT scans (one with and without dye) and an MRI. I’ve been seeing a neurologist, but need to get with him again to figure out the eye issue, since it hasn’t gone away. I have an appointment with my primary doctor tomorrow, and with her, I’ll figure out some other things to be looked at. I’m also going to start going to a physical therapist – I’m hoping that will help me a lot in the neck/headache area. I did fall on a concrete patio after all, with my head hanging off the step! I’m pretty sure I messed something up.

Here is the post I wrote (on another blog) a couple of days after my seizure. It gives the details of the day and experience:

Here I am…so tired…ready for bed, and I have to stay awake. Why? Well tomorrow morning I have an EEG and they want me very tired.

Do you know what an EEG is? You’ve probably seen somewhere a person with their head covered with little wires – that’s an EEG, and that’ll be me.

You might be wondering why I will be having this EEG…that leads us to my crazy weekend:

We’ll start with The Boyz Ride that Tucker has participated in every year since, well, for a really long time. Beings that we had a Milo just a month ago, Tucker had decided not to go this year. But as it got closer, he started to dislike the idea of missing out for the first time. And since we started having kids, he’s hardly gone on a motorbike ride at any time of the year (also due to the sciatica he suffered – take note). So, he thought he’d go up Saturday for one ride, stay the night, then come home Sunday morning.

This seemed doable. I really wanted him to go – and he soooo deserved it. The only problem was that I was no doubt going to have a miserable night, as not only does Milo wake every hour to two hours in the night to nurse, but Molly still wakes in the night as well, and needs bounced back to sleep, usually. So I knew that at some point, I was going to have one hungry screaming baby, as well as one inconsolable, crying kid at the same, with me being deliriously sleepy. We figured, this would be the worst of it, I might have a miserable night, but I could manage.

Well, Friday night – the night before Tucker was to leave – I told my mom over the phone that I would have to run to the Farmers’ Market during my niece’s and nephew’s birthday party to get some corn for freezing. Tucker suggested that I just have my mom pick it up since she was going also – but earlier – but I wanted to go myself. Then my mom later texted me suggesting the same thing, so I said OK, and that Tucker had agreed as well.

Saturday morning Tucker left before I woke and left me a very sweet note. Milo, Molly, and I woke around 7:45 AM. I felt so very tired – as usual – and made myself some coffee. At 9:42, Tucker called me from Smiley Creek Lodge. We discovered that he did not have his cell phone with him. We chatted for a little, and I was so glad to talk to him.

My mom called me at 9:49 to let me know she was on her way over with the corn. A few minutes later she was there and I was excited about these wood bushel baskets she had brought me. Then I noticed I didn’t feel well all of a sudden. I felt dizzy, like my head was shifting funny. Things around me were shifting and out of focus. All of a sudden I felt so tired, like I couldn’t keep my eyes open and was going to fall asleep right there in my kitchen. I didn’t know what was happening, but I thought it could be the worst.

I told my mom I was sick, I didn’t feel well. Soon enough I was yelling that we needed to go to the emergency room. I felt a desperation to let her know the urgency before the sleep over took me. I yelled that I didn’t want to go to sleep. I almost collapsed in my kitchen, but we started to get the carseat for Milo, then I yelled for her to call 911. She said I was shoving my phone in her hand, but she couldn’t figure out how to use it. She scooped up Molly and went outside to get her phone from her car. In that time, I remember having said to my mom that maybe I needed sugar, some juice possibly. I think I remember opening the fridge, but the rest I have no memory of.

Apparently I grabbed a half gallon of chocolate milk, went down the stairs to the back door, stepped out on the porch step, and then collapsed.

My mom came back around the corner to me laying there (chocolate milk spilled all over). She set Molly down in Collin’s carseat that happened to be back there. Molly screamed and cried, but did not try to get out of the seat. My mom called 911 while I experienced a grand mal seizure – also known as a tonic-clonic seizure. My body tensed and convulsed, jaw locked, eyes rolled back. And at some point my mom said I looked up at her and smiled very sweetly – like I was so relieved and happy to see her.

The ambulance arrived around the time it had ended. Apparently I stood up, and was somewhat functioning, but I have complete amnesia for a long stretch of it all. I finally came to in my head while sitting in the ambulance with it still parked outside the house. And even then, I really didn’t have full brain capacity until more like that night or even the next day. Completely dazed with short-term memory loss.

Molly didn’t stop crying until my mom set her on my lap while I was lying on the stretcher. My mom said she laid her head down on my chest and I wrapped my arms around her, then the tears stopped. Sweet girl.

In the ambulance I felt sick to my stomach and was given anti-nausea medicine. At the emergency room they gave me anti-seizure medicine. Drew blood, performed an EKG and a CT Scan, and ran a number of tests. Everything came back good.

My sister Jaime, visiting from Arizona, came and got Molly and Milo from my house before my mom left to be with me at the hospital. Chase had brought Collin right before my mom left, so he drove him over to my mom’s. Then we had Jaime bring Milo to the hospital so I could feed him. Later, Tink and Dy had Collin and Molly until Tucker got home that night.

Tucker did get to go on his bike ride, and I’m so glad he did. We had this misinformation that a friend was going to be able to meet him at the half-point of the ride to let him know, but this never occurred. So we were waiting, hoping he’d be home around 4:30.

Tucker then called me at 6:13 PM. They just finished their ride, and he stopped at Smiley Creek Lodge to call me before heading back to camp. He had no idea what had happened still. He came home immediately.

I couldn’t have been happier when he got home. The one time he couldn’t be reached…He was so happy to be home with me too. He truly is the sweetest. Truly. I love him!

I am so glad my mom came over with that corn! I feel badly she had to go through that scare. I love her…and the rest of our family too, and am grateful for everyone’s help!

I have bruises and scrapes. My muscles are very sore. (I could hardly even lift my legs for a while after – like lead). It all feels very surreal. I can’t convey it all in words. It was a strange and scary experience. I am OK though! That is something to celebrate!

I wish I could get a good night’s rest though – as good as it gets with a little baby that is – but, alas. One test in the morning, then hopefully some good naps in the day.

At least I have a Tucker sitting next to me on the couch! – Even if he is snoozing. xoxo

And so there you have it. After that EEG, I returned to the emergency room with a bad case of the start of my symptoms for my stay in the ‘cave.’ During that time, my mom was of sooooo much help to me – staying with me to help with the kids until Tucker would come home from work, and being my companion to pass the time. And then Tucker was the amazing person he is and took on more than his fair share of duties and offered all the love and support I needed. I am so lucky to have the two of them.

Well, now that I’ve finally made the breakthrough post to get me going after all this time of quiet, I hope I’ll return more frequently. And I hope you’ll come and join me. Next post will be less medical and more along the lines of cute kids, summer fun, and chickens (yup! we finally got them this year!!). Until next time.

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